Di tengah-tengah membaca buku "Seorang Pria yang Melalui Duka dengan Mencuci Piring" hasil penulisan Andreas Kurniawan, aku terjebak pada pembahasan tentang "Mindfulness". Suatu cara menjaga kewarasan yang lamat-lamat pernah kudengar sebelumnya. Brilian sekali Andreas Kurniawan menggambarkan mindfulness dalam menangani rasa duka dengan analogi mencuci piring. Ringkasnya, cuci piring yang merupakan kegiatan rutin biasa sebenarnya ada SOP rinci dengan banyak hal yang harus dilalui dan dirasakan. Sayangnya, seringkali kebanyakan orang hanya berfokus membersihkan piring kotor dengan mengandalkan insting dan kebiasaan. Tahapan dilalui seperti otomatis saja, tidak dengan kesadaran penuh. Begitupun berduka. Padahal dengan kesadaran penuh, fase-fase melalui duka dapat terasa lebih bermakna. Bukan-bukan, ini bukan mau menulis resensi buku. Hanya tentang pikiran yang langsung mereka-reka mindfulness pada kejadianku sendiri. Bukan tentang duka, bukan juga cuci piring. Seperti...
No one fits the role of villain. Perhaps that is why this story has never found a title. and I have never doubted that I am loved. There is someone who would become a wall before the rain could ever reach me. Only sometimes, I forget what it feels like to walk when every step is feared for before I have even taken it. And I truly want to understand. Perhaps loving someone the world keeps noticing is its own kind of exhaustion. Perhaps fear, when it has nowhere else to go, learns to disguise itself as care. There are days when I'm in certain look not so the world will glare at me, just so I can still recognize the woman that quietly growing behind the mirror. There are days when I tell a story, and what is noticed first is not what I have said, but who listened instead who lingered, who cared. I'm begging Look at me before you look at the shadows around me. Notice me before you begin counting the eyes that follow me. I have never longed to be desired. Something far rarer to be ...